I Was Never Highly Functional
The Myth of Being “Normal”
I would like you to understand
that highly functional individuals of any kind don’t exist. I couldn’t look
people in the eyes when I was a child. Even saying “good morning” was difficult
for me. The person was already behind me by the time I could reply. I felt like
my voice wouldn’t come out. But people think that we need to be normal and act
the way they expect us to.
I don’t feel normal for many reasons, and I don’t want to be. I just want to be accepted by at least one person — and I am, by myself. As I already talked about in another post, I am not from here, but
there’s so much more to it. I feel everything deeply. I can see energy in front
of people’s faces and bodies when their energy changes or when something is
wrong. Moods change your energy, and even the tone of your voice can feel like
a punch in my face. Total warning.
Voices, Energy, and Connection
I could hear voices when I was a
child. It felt normal, like home. It never scared me. I would hear a lady call
my name, or they were just talking among themselves. Right now, I don’t hear
them as much, but I can lose total control when I am sleepy and exhausted at
the same time. Then I hear a crowd talking to each other. It still feels like
home, and it’s actually comforting.
When my neighbor passed away, he
talked to me, laughed, and left. I knew then I wasn’t losing my mind. I was
just connected to another world, which is often rejected as reality. Well, it’s
my reality, and I love it. But I will leave real spiritual and medium
experiences for the next post.
Learning to Survive
When I get really hurt, I tend to
shut down and endure whatever is swirling inside. When I need to feel safe or
comfortable, I rock myself. But no one saw it, so who can tell, right? It’s the
first time I’m admitting it publicly. I’m telling you this because no one wants
to talk about it.
I learned to be strong and
silent, to survive and not trust anyone because people only hurt, abused,
controlled, and manipulated me. When I opened up, I was met with judgment and
coldness, or people tried to tell me what to do. I tried, but they think they
know everything, or that I don’t think properly either. Worse than that, some
people took advantage of my situation and used it against me in many ways.
People taught me they’re not safe.
Trauma Is Not Strength
I already overcame a lot. As I
already mentioned in another post, I was suicidal, and now I’m not. It’s a huge
accomplishment. But I know I’m still deeply traumatized. If we keep denying our
pain, we will only feed dynamite inside, and one day it will explode in a way
we don’t want. I know I was abandoned, neglected, raped, and bullied. I was
beaten, etc.
Regardless of the trauma and
scars, I was never normal, and I don’t want to be. I live inside, not outside.
It’s in my silence that I find the answers, motivation, and strength to keep
moving forward. It’s inside that I can hear and feel what people are thinking
and feeling about me. Distance is not a barrier. I know when something is
wrong. Strong headaches, throat pain, heart aches, and the energy around me
envelops me, cold and sharp.
Nadia and Archeiia Faith
I know what my issues are, so I
can separate my mind’s voice from my trauma. I know what guidance is and what
fear talking is. You need to understand that I have worked on myself since I
was a child. I didn’t learn it from anyone. I just knew I had to heal, and I
always wanted to be a better person. I reached the conclusion that perfection
is not necessary. I just need to be real and whole.
I am Archeiia Faith spiritually,
and Nadia on Earth, who I feel is gone. The reason is because Nadia is
associated with earthly matters, trauma, and pain. Faith is my home, my
reality. It’s not escapism; it’s who I am. I didn’t come here to be human. I came
to build a bridge. But no matter what I do, spirituality will always be above
anything else. Love is the only law I follow.
I won’t diagnose myself. I am
Archeiia Faith: introverted, empath, INFJ, Arcturian, Archangel Gabriel’s
sister, fifth-ray spiritual worker, and so much more. I am a multidimensional
being.
Music Was Always There
Before, I had people making fun
of anything I liked, even music. I shut down and hid myself. Not anymore. I
always used music to cope. I was inside my room listening to music, dancing,
writing, reading, doing word searches, painting, studying, etc. Music was with
me constantly—on the streets, at school, and even with people around me. I
would use one side only out of respect.
The Reality I Choose
In my worst moments, I could see
people on Earth at peace, walking like children, hugging and kissing each other
on the cheeks without any kind of envy or jealousy. I was just a child. They
were happy, walking, dancing, and holding hands with each other. I refused to
accept anger, chaos, and conflict as love. And I am glad I did.
I may not choose the reality you
know, but I choose my reality, because this one brings me peace and relaxation,
not pain.
Not Functional. Not Proud. Just Real.
I am not highly functional, and I
am not proud of being strong. I was forced to be. I had no choice. Imagine
saying, “I am proud of being raped.” Yeah, that doesn’t happen. Only each of us
knows what we feel and think inside.
But we’re being transformed into
robots. Don’t think. Don’t feel. Don’t speak your mind. The spiritual world
doesn’t exist, and don’t even dare to talk about feelings. How dare you be
connected to your own emotions and process them? How dare you be honest, real,
and authentic? How dare you be who you were supposed to be? No. You need to
follow the masses and follow life like there’s a very strict manual on how to
live. Anything out of that line is a death sentence. You’re out.
If Your Soul Calls
I am not asking you to believe me
or what I believe, but I do ask you to follow what you feel and believe. Follow
not what everyone expects, but what your heart craves. If your soul calls,
please answer. It’s deeply scary at first but being real and honest with
yourself and others will bring you the freedom you never thought was possible.
It’s not easy. But it’s real. Think about it.
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